exercises in futility

It's an incredibly beautiful day in Richmond, one of those out-of-place January days where the temperature is in the mid-60s and you can sit outside without a coat. Even better, today is my day off.

The huge irony is that I'm stuck sitting on my ass at home. My new dining room table (for which I've been waiting for two weeks) was scheduled for delivery today between 11:00 and 2:00. Sure enough, the truck showed up with my table at 1:30...with absolutely NO hardware to attach the legs. The table now sitting upside down on my dining room floor while I wait for the warehouse to call me and tell me when they're going to come by later this afternoon to finish putting it together.

While I'm waiting, I thought I should use my time wisely and check to see why the new eyeglasses I ordered two weeks ago had not arrived yet, either (they're coming from a frame shop in Nashville). So I called SEE and was put on hold for a few minutes before explaining my dilemma to the girl who answered. The conversation went something like this:

CLUELESS GIRL: "SEE. Can you hold?"
ME: "Sure."

(3 minutes on hold)

CLUELESS GIRL: "How can I help you?"
ME: "Yeah, I ordered some glasses on the 5th, just wanted to check on the status of..."
CLUELESS GIRL: "Name?"
ME: "Edwards."
CLUELESS GIRL: "Hold on."

(2 minutes on hold)

CLUELESS GIRL: "They're ready, you can come in and pick them up anytime."
ME: "Uh...I live in Richmond Virginia. They were supposed to ship them to me."
(pause)
CLUELESS GIRL: "Hold on."

(3 minutes on hold)

CLUELESS GIRL: "Yep, you're right. They shipped on the 11th."
ME: "OK...well, today's the 20th and they're not here. I'm just trying to figure out where they are."
(pause)
CLUELESS GIRL: "Hold on."

(5 minutes on hold)

NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "Hello?"
ME: "Um, hello?"
NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "What's your first name?"
ME: "Chris."
NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "Chris."
(pause)
"Hold on."

(30 seconds on hold, probably just long enough for this new guy to curse my name or laugh at my misfortune)

NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "Um...Chris. Can we call you back in a minute, Chris?"
ME: "Sure."
NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "Great. Call you right back."
ME: "Do you have my number??"
(pause)
NEW CLUELESS DUDE: "Oh. Um...can you give it to us real quick?"

That was about 30 minutes ago.

A table that can't hold its legs, a pair of glasses trapped in a mail package misplaced in some Post Office, and a phone that sits quietly, patiently, waiting for someone to make it ring. But alas: the phone stays quiet, the table keeps lying there, and the clock is counting down the remaining hours (minutes!) of this beautiful sunny afternoon anomaly.